This year, do it for the economy.

"I'm in Australia. I think it's important to help out, you know, the economy out here, everywhere in the world... And what's wrong with a doing a little shopping?... It's New Year's. I need a New Year's dress."

Thanks Paris.
No really, that's just swell of you.

Wild animals.

It's comforting to know that you can be sitting in an airport departure lounge with hundreds of annoyed strangers, your flight having been delayed for an hour, and somehow - somewhere - there will be a live feed of a handler stroking a domesticated formerly wild feline broadcast across the nation on morning television.

Maybe Neil Postman has a point after all, if for no other reason than for being able to quote Henry David Thoreau: ' "We are eager to tunnel under the Atlanatic and bring the old world some weeks nearer to the new; but perchance the first news that will leak through into the broad flapping American ear will be that Princess Adelaide has the whooping cough." '*

[*Corrections on punctuation will be accepted.]

Research - 1st of October, 2008.

[From the instruction manual of an Ikea 'Minnen' bed]

Important!
Children can become trapped between the bed and the wall. To avoid risk of serious injury the distance between the bed and the wall must always be less than 65 mm or more than 230 mm.

The inveitable post about 50 Cent in relation to what's wrong with the world today.

In the strange world that is entertainment, it’s not unusual for successful properties to be given unnecessary sequels or spin-offs of possibly dubious merit. Sometimes the original doesn’t even need to be any good for this to happen, it only need be bankable. This in itself could spawn quite the rant, but we'll save that for another day.

Thus we arrive at the newest videogame to feature to feature one Curtis James Jackson III, known to his friends as 50 Cent. For those unaware, 50’s last attempt at capturing the minds of Mario fans [and yes, I’m aware it never reached a Nintendo system, before you say it], 50 Cent: Bulletproof, was notorious for a lot of things, notably being banned in Australia [and later released in an edited form] and not being very good to begin with. This didn’t seem to matter, as the game has somehow enjoyed enough sales to justify a sequel, 50 Cent: Blood in the Sand.

Sounds epic doesn’t it? Like the eternal struggle between the east and west coast will finally be resolved… on a beach. Perhaps playing volleyball in a number of different outfits? Perhaps not, for you see intrepid reader the titular sand is Middle Eastern sand, of course. Aaron Blean, producer of Blood on the Sand, explains:

50 and G-Unit are putting on a sold-out performance somewhere in a fictional Middle Eastern setting. This is where the 'blood on the sand' comes in. They put on the performance; the people are pleased, but the concert promoter stiffs them and doesn't give 50 and G-Unit their payment… So, of course, 50 isn't going to leave until he gets paid, so he hassles the concert promoter, [saying] if he doesn't come up with the money now, there will be consequences. And instead, the promoter offers him a very valuable gift – something that's valuable to this particular country – a diamond encrusted skull...

So 50 gets the skull, and as he's about to leave this war-torn country, when they're ambushed and the skull is taken. They escape the ambush, but they're without the skull. So 50's motivated to get what belongs to him. So basically, throughout the game, he's trying to track these people down and find out who they are and why he was ambushed.

Of course he is. Now, I could proceed to describe how this particular entrant into cultural history is not going to do anyone any good, let alone the people who actually bother to play the game itself, but that much seems to be evident without needing anyone to point it out. But before anyone out there decides to jump to any conclusions accusing this potentially fine product of capitalising on sensitive political themes, rest assured, as the writer of the game “from Hollywood” is “one of the few Muslim writers in Hollywood”. I don’t know what mentioning that has to do with anything, but hey, now I can sleep at night.

It really annoys me that there are developers who are really trying to push the medium in interesting ways, and really try and make statements for right of decent [and heck, inoffensive] storytelling; putting forward that perhaps games aren’t just for kids mindless idiots, and this sort of thing slips through. Yet above else, the fictional setting, the crystal skull isn’t what annoys me most. I just want to see Fiddy actually put on a show in the middle east, fictitious nation or not. Going gun crazy afterwards, that’d just be a bonus.

It's all gone really bad

I was joking with someone I work with last Friday night about how things (ie, the world at large) had all gone a bit pear shaped of late. Nothing horrendous, just a little odd. The end result of this discussion was that the moon was full (or at least recently had been), and that must be the cause. Sure, I can handle that. Generally speaking, I know the world's weird. I even think that most people would agree without asking too many questions. Somehow though, over the last few days a series of head-scratchingly bizzare moments have occured in relatively quick succession that have caused me to question this. It's been kind of hard to keep up, so I offer you the following in evidence; in no particular order :

1. The Australia Council for the Arts (Art having a capital A, don't you know) is offering a $20 000 "collaborative artist residency" to be conducted within Second Life.
2. Universal Studios is building a Harry Pottter theme park, to be completed in 2009. And they're building it in Florida.
3. Mark Philippoussis is starring in a reality television dating show called Age of Love, where a group of contestants (half of whom are straight out of college, the other over 40) fight it out for his affections, Bachelor style.
4. A Dutch reality tv show, where a terminally ill woman was offering the public the chance to decide who would get her kidneys, was declared a hoax (re: "fantastic stunt").
5. The Wachowski Brothers are writing and directing a film based on the cartoon series Speed Racer, starring Charlie from Party of Five as villian Racer X. I don't even know if I watched Speed Racer a kid, but the word "sceptical" comes to mind. Still, they wrote and produced a film where the main character spends the entire narrative in a mask, I'm sure they can make this work.

It's not just me is it? This doesn't happen everyday, right?

Inexcusable behaviour.

I like Silverchair. Apparently this is a bit of a faux pas these days, but I'm ok with this. As far as Australian pop acts go, their ability to consistently reinvent themselves with each new release is more than admirable. Sure, their videos aren't all that great and Daniel Johns has conducted some interesting experiments in facial hair over the years, but I've still been willing to stick by them. Their current incarnation though, in support of their new album Young Modern has led them to some very bizzare territory. Having Peter Garrett recommend their song Straight Lines as being helpful to Australia's water crisis (perhaps a slight nod to John's campaigning for Garrett's political future) I can accept, but can someone tell me why the hell Daniel Johns is being interviewed by Richard Wilkins?

Not at all.

It's an internet cafe you see, and the sign points down a flight of stairs; it's pure genius. I'm amazed that great feats such as this don't occur more often. Perhaps the expense in vinyl lettering is just too astronomical to calculate.

Between this, and the piece of cardboard in a martini glass at my place of employment that says "Show Us Your Tips", I sometimes really worry about the state of things.

Life on planet UG.

Open a new floor of a shopping centre and a brave new world certainly awaits; like new signs in inoffensive grey, written in an oh-so-sharp white sans-serif font.

It's ok though; according to the UG ramp, freedom is just upstairs.

Linkin Park are unbelievably lame.

Perhaps the fact that Linkin Park are terrible doesn't need to be raised. Heck, it might even be a given. At the very least, they're plenty stupid. Case in point; the video for their new single "What I've Done". Being a Linkin Park track, I'm sure the narrative revolves around some kind of inner-hardship mixed with layers of self-loathing. As mundane as this is [leave it to Trent; you're obviously fans, just let it go], it's the montage of the video that disturbs me most. The whole thing seems to be some sort of musing on important events in American history in the last few years. So we have scenes of bombs dropping, firemen carrying people to safety, petrol bowsers ticking, and then mixed in is stock footage of Castro, Stalin, and the Klu Klux Klan for good measure. Because it's all the same in the end really.

And in the middle of this we have the band, our heroes, doing whatever it is they're doing; but at least they're making a stand right? Well, when you want to make to make point about the current state of things, perhaps the best place to start would be anywhere other than in the middle of the desert, surrounded by amplifiers and enough lights to illuminate a small suburb. Unless of course you're powering all this equipment on bio-diesel, in which case I'll retract my statement.

I'm sorry Al Gore and Dan Ashcroft, but it really does look like the idiots are winning.